malacca date

hey guys.
its been long since i ever blogged; been busy and lazy to log on to this page.

Today is the 3rd day i am in malacca as i was here to meet one of my cyber date, D. He is not what i expected, neither good nor bad. But all i can see for the past 2 nights is that this fella is quite domesticated. 28 years old with a cosy small hse and a honda to drive around plus a stable job. Successfull and domesticated - just the way i like it. Despite all that he still miss of something that i am looking for, the SPARK and i guess i need him to be more romantic. Its comfortable being with him and i think i do feel secure. lets just cross our fingers and see how it goes as the distance between us kinda irks me. both of us have not pop the question yet so will leave it to faith again.

Let the game begin!

dangers of chem

I recently got to know a guy K, a gorgeous guys in his late 30s but look like in his mid 20s. He have a fit body with a nice built chest and well developed abs. I was attracted by him. We chatted and flirted with each other and soon we end up in bed and also soon enough I found out that he is not that ‘perfect’ at all - he is into chem.
Despite that I was still clouded by his sexiness and we had sex on Friday and Saturday none stop and I was surprise I was able to keep up with him. Having sex with a guy who is under the influence of ‘ice’ and perpetually inhaling ‘poppers’ was way out of the world. The way he response to my touches and were as though my fingers can emit low electric current and all I know that his body shudders a lot and the moaning was very stimulating. All I know that he kept commenting on how good I am and kept on calling out my name.
It got me really horny at a point and I decided to try something I wanted to do long time ago. I tied him up against the wall blindfolded. I teased him for a good 30 minutes and I can see he is at the edge of his senses where he began to ask me to fuck him which I didn’t until I know he can’t stand it any longer. We went into all sorts of position we could think of and while he was on top of me, he kept on moaning and gasping for air- he cummed without realising it.
How do I rate this sex experience? 10 out of 10 of course.
On Monday I called him and I can hear that he is not doing well, he told me he lost his job and failed his interview which he told me that he would have aced it without any problem. He can’t think and can’t remember stuff any more and all he could think of is having another dose of ‘ice’ every single hour. He said he was addicted and he know he is heading deeper and deeper into the abyss. He made a decision that no one can help him but himself that he threw all his drugs away. I was reminded by him again and again that never be curious to try such thing or else I will end up like him in a pleading voice. I had a feeling that he is close to tears already and my heart broke into a million pieces as I was listening to this conversation.
What I couldn’t understand is that why a person like him - good looking, sexy, perfectly chiselled body, have a job and car but got stuck in the grasp of what seem harmless at first but in the end a disaster - chem or what all of know fondly, drugs.
I wish you all the best in stopping this habit K!

massage

I was really feeling lousy yesterday as my whole body was totally drained. Then i my gut keeps on telling me - go for a massage. But the problem is i haven been to one before :S
After what seems like an eternity, i have gathered enough courage and walked into a massage palour which only for guys *wink wink*
anyway before your mind starts spinning with your wildest imagination, have to stop you; nothing happened except that i have an hour massage which costs me rm50. Overall it was ok. not too bad and not something to be bragged about in the future to my friends but the main point is that it helped me loosen up alot. :)

made a mental note yesterday before i sleep that i shall pamper myself for spas and massage every month. I worked hard so therefore i need to be pampered - i am a leo *wink*

scariest night

If you were thinking that i am going to tell you guys that i have encounter some black specter that just vanish in a corner then you are wrong. OR, if you think i have been robbed by a gang of mat rempits then you are wrong too.

Let me tell you whats the scare the shit out of me on yesterday night was that i have a migraine attack. let me continue and elaborate, i have a migraine attack at 1am and soon found out that i have no medicine left in my hse, how was that? scary right? no medicine and plus i am staying alone. i ransacked my hse and later i found a some panadol activ fast. without hesitation i swallowed all 8 capsules and went to bed. Thank god that i manage to sleep the pain through.

thank god thank god thank god!

If you are different.....things to ponder

THIS IS NOT A LIST-THE-NEGATIVITY EXERCISE AND THERE ARE A NUMBER OF COUNTER-EXAMPLES BUT THEY ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. I FIGURED A FAIR NUMBER OF PEOPLE READ MY JOURNAL AND IT MIGHT BE A GOOD PLACE TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT HOW MUCH HATE THERE IS OUT THERE. THIS IS NOT SO MUCH ABOUT SCREWED-UP GENDER ROLES BUT BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Something i have forgotten

Sometimes when we are so tied down in chasing all those expectations that were set upon us by other people we know; regardless whether they play any important role in our life that makes us to forget how we use to laugh till be cringe on the floor holding our stomach with tears flooding in our eyes; or how we use to enjoy catching tadpoles in a puddle during a raining season; sleepover with friends where we stuffed ourselves with food and later in tears watching some love story or even just take a walk at a quiet playground, kicking some stones on the way and just lay down on a slide and watch the ever changing clouds up above. I haven't done all this since i was 15.

Yet, the recent trip i went made me feel what life is all about again. It is no longer meeting up with deadlines, worrying how people think about me, bills, guys and flirts and many more. That one day trip in Cherating was just about me and my life; Not just work and love but all those simple and minor stuff in between that makes life life which i have not pay much attention on, so much so i have almost forget about.

I had a good long walk along the seaside and occasionally picking up seashells which i find rather odd and nice. Memories flooded me; good ones which makes me ocassionally smilling towards the sea and some sad ones which i stare at my feet...leaving footprints behind - its the past but the mark is still there and i hope like those footprints on the warm sand will soon dissappear, washed by the gentle waves.

I got the chance in catching up with my sleep as i slept all the way from KL to Cherating and later on the beach which i found something i like a lot - a hammock. For a long time since i actually hear the wind whispering playfully where they have been, the sun warms my soul which gives me goosebumps and the waves tickling my feet, awakening my senses. This is life. And

now i have made a mental note to get out the hectic life i am going through and escaped back to mother nature's embrace so that she for one day can make me feel safe, warm and no longer living a mechanical life. Just once a month i will make this effort to go back to her so that i know i am breathing and most important, I am at peace.

A good hike :)

Went for a hike with 2 of my friends in FRIMM last saturday. Have missed that place since i last went there 3 years ago when I organised a camp. One thing i must realise is the fact i have been lazy and not been exercising much and therefore the hike really put a toll on me, but compare to my other 2 friends, I don't look too bad :P

Think that God have been really mercifull to us as when we arrived to the hiking site, we could see the sky getting darker and darker as the minute pass and not for long thunder and lightning came along. My friend were dissapointed as we drove all the way there ( he came from ipoh), however we all agree that we give it a try. My friend brought an umbrella along with him leaving me and my other friend dumbfounded. I made a mental note as to not talk to him or show any sign that i know him if there is by chance any strangers bump into us along the hike. Who on earth brings an umbrella while hiking in a forest?! And back to the part where God have been nice to us; it never rain through our 2 hours hike till we went into our car :P

It was a good Saturday. Never had one where i can relax my mind fully for a very long time.